Two Doctors, One Patient new format!
by Samuran
Summary: Muraki gets some rivals....complete idiocy, but it's more readable than de latter version! Please R&R! ^^


Gomen nasai for posting this idiocy on the Internet! After watching YnM I came up with this idea. It's my first fanfic here so save the rotten eggs and tomatoes for the next time, okay? ^^ Now, thanks for reading so far, if you want to continue you might be warned: you're wasting your time. (Is it possible that I have a minority complex?)  
  
To my otaku-friend L. (I suppose she wants to stay anonymous) I integrated you into this sillyness in order to comment it a little, I hope you don't mind! (And if you do, well, you know how to scare me - just show me a pic of Wobble- okay, I'll stop now.)  
  
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Series: Yami No Matsuei Disclaimer: All this stuff officially belongs to some Matsushita Youhko, but I assume you guys already know that. I guess it's obvious that this littl' story hasn't been written by her, as well as all other Humor-related YnM, since even Matsushita-sensei couldn't be that perverse. (Hey, this is not offensive! I really liked the YnM-humoristic stories, though I'm curious what the real Mangaka would think of it. () And to Himoki Maeko: You really made me laugh! Thanks for your fanfiction! ^^ ____________________________  
  
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As we all know, Sakura Blossoms () are always floating around in the skies above Mufei, happily ignoring phenomenons like 'spring' and 'winter'. Somehow this cursed Sakura Tree-Stuff is omnipresent in the animeverse, but today, it was ultra-omnipresent. Because, despite the fact they didn't need it, they were being watered.  
  
"Tatsumiiiiii! I still can't believe it! God..it's so damn CRUEL!'  
  
Seiichiro Tatsumi, who by long had learned to ignore the sakura (he should teach me that too, I really am disgusted by sakura blossoms) just couldn't learn to ignore his Shinigami collegue, Tsuzuki Asato. After all, Tsuzuki wasn't only clumsy, happy and lazy all the time, right now he was crying his eyes out. For the fact that from now on, he was a diabetic.  
  
"Diabetic! Aaii! Why did they have to find that out! I already hate doctors, but from now on I'm going to start a national anti-doctor League!!" Tsuzuki screamed.  
  
"Good luck to you, but I suppose it won't help you. Though that's not what I'm worrying about right now..where are Watari and Hisoka-kun?"  
  
"They.they went to the mall to buy me sweets! Which I will never be able to eat again!"  
  
"Why not?" Tatsumi murmured, now getting kind of angry, "Who cares about your teeth, you're dead anyway."  
  
If this would have been a gag comic, a light bulb would have appeared above Tsuzuki's head right now. Instead, the sakura blossoms where somehow being enlightened by a fluffy warm, rose light, so to illustrate the flow of happyness streaming through Tsuzuki as he found out that eating sweets in fact didn't affect -  
  
"Could you cut it with the poetic touch, you idiot! I have to survive this day, you know!" a certain L. hissed. And with that, the enigmatic glow fainted and everything turned back to normal.  
  
Well, except for the fact that when Tsuzuki returned from a short visit to his office, his teeth had fallen out.  
  
Watari and Hisoka stared at their collegue in disgust.  
  
"How did you manage to do that?!" the green-eyed boy asked.  
  
"And..and where's your tongue?"  
  
Not only had Tsuzuki's teeth just given up their function, his whole mouth seemed to be burnt by some kind of strange fire. In fact, all that remained of the insides of Tsuzuki's sweet-loving mouth, was a bit of bloody flesh.  
  
"Asato, would you please keep your mouth shut! I know you want to be interesting, walking around with a demolished mouth like that, but it really makes me throw up!" Tatsumi yelled, and to his relief, Tsuzuki did so.  
  
"Let me explain this," Tatsumi said, "While you were away, he went to the hospital for his half-annual medical test. It stated that he is a diabetic, and so should be kept from eating sweets of any kind. " Both the scientist and Wobble-Eye (as Samuran calls him..) tried not to think of a Tsuzuki who could not eat sweets, for both of them knew how their collegue would react to the loss of something so important in his life. (Perhaps even more important than Wobble- I mean, our dear and kind Hisoka-kun.hehehehh, sorry L.)  
  
"I did a wrong thing then, namely saying his teeth didn't actually matter. And so, by reasons unknown to me," he cast an eerie look at his former partner, "he ate his whole Collection."  
  
"You- you mean the Holy Collection?!"  
  
"Yes, that's what I'm talking about. I ordered some piles of chocolat nuggets, cake of all sorts and so on, in order to keep him happy after he'd been molested by a certain doctor...now, I do not know how he managed to get into the storage room, but it comes down to the fact that he has just eaten about seven kilograms of sweets."  
  
For Tsuzuki-san the coming days were a horrible thing, but to Tatsumi they meant days of quiet, peace and hard work, since Tsuzuki could now not be distracted by sweets anymore. Somehow though, the thought struck him that if they wouldn't do something about Tsuzuki's situation soon, he would die, or at least get seriously depressed. Die for the second time - in fact, it sounded pretty cool to Tatsumi, but he guessed his collegue wouldn't agree with him.  
  
And so, on a happy bright morning (which of course involved -3 times you may guess- Sakura Blossom! Are you feeling nice already?) the two of them sat outside at a small table and tried to kill time until the doctors would arrive. Suddenly, the phone inside the office rang and was picked up by Tatsumi.  
  
"The Secretary of Death speaking, who is this?"  
  
"..."  
  
"You may answer now! Correction, you must answer now!"  
  
"Are you that guy that keeps putting his glasses upwards and never admits to be gay?"  
  
Tatsumi's glare could have burnt down all Sakura Trees () in once second.  
  
"Are you, or are you not?" the male voice continued, "Of course, I could reveal some more aspects of your personality in order to identify you..."  
  
"No, thank you! What do you want, you idiot?"  
  
"Are we getting angry?.....Well, in fact I called to tell you that there will be no doctors coming for that Asato guy! Have a nice day and keep the gayness up!"  
  
"Excuse me? Why aren't the medics coming? And WHO SAYS I'M GAY?'  
  
"I suppose the fangirls do. And please leave me now, I still have to find some good-looking guy that I can play with. Bye."  
  
After ordering the phone's shadow to destroy that goddamn phone itself, the secretary returned to the crying Tsuzuki. (yes, still crying - you'd think he'd be suffering from the loss of water in his body, but that's not relevant to the storyline. You may ask whether there is a storyline AT ALL, but I don't care for that.)  
  
"I'm sorry, Tsuzuki-kun, but I'll have to call another hospital for some medics in order to have you healed."  
  
"Mmmphh-ynhhhm-hhhmm!?"  
  
"By now, you should be aware of the fact that you cannot speak."  
  
***WHY DO THERE HAVE TO BE MANY DOCTORS ANYWAY? ISN'T ONE ENOUGH??*** Tsuzuki's voice screamed telepathically.  
  
"Well," Tatsumi said, trying not to be impressed by Tsuzuki's 'creative' idea, "Because no sane doctor would try to medicate you without help from his or her collegues. They all know you. As soon as the doctors told you about your illness, your anger and grief burnt half of the hospital down."  
  
Tsuzuki started crying even louder.  
  
****GOD, WHY? WHY AM I BEING HATED, DESPICED BY SO MANY? WHY DOES THE WORLD NOT ACCEPT ME AS I AM? WHY AM I BEING HARASSED BY PERVERT DOCTORS AND MASKS WITH HANDS? AARGGHH! SO MUCH DARKNESS AND LONELINESS, SO MANY -***  
  
Samuran: Should I have categorized this fiction unter 'Drama' or what?  
  
L.: No.  
  
Samuran: Then shut up, Tsuzuki!  
  
The latter did, for Samuran's look could compete with that of the just named doctor (to all you fools who still don't get the hints: I'm talking about that one-eyed homicidal psycho Muraki Kazutaka) and from now on, he kept his telepathic voice shut so that Tatsumi - (Oh, and don't forget: He's gay as well! **Hehehh**) before he was interrupted by Samuran's irrational thoughts, could finally call another hospital. (Wow, another long sentence! I truly love long sentences!)  
  
While Tatsumi desperately tried to sell life assurances to those doctors who didn't immediately hung up the phone when they heard the name Tsuzuki Asato, the latter had fallen asleep and was dreaming a nice dream: Candies everywhere, and a mouth to eat them! Just as he was about to enjoy a tasty- looking cake, he was being called back into reality.  
  
"Good evening, Tsuzuki-san."  
  
Tsuzuki's eyes widened to an unnatural size at hearing this familiar voice.  
  
"Well Tsuzuki-kun, I finally found you a doctor, and he's willing to heal you without the help of others!' Tatsumi beamed so much he could almost let the Sakura blossoms look worthless.  
  
"Mmm-mphh! Phhff!"  
  
"What's wrong with this one, dear collegue? He looks nice and gentle to me!"  
  
***AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE ISN'T!*** Tsuzuki wanted to scream, but the words were on their halfway to Tatsumi's mind when they seemd to bounce off a mental wall. What had that psycho done to the shadow magician? Tatsumi looked as he had been hypnothized.  
  
(I truly hope you readers recognize him by now - otherwise, check a doctor - I know a nice one! He'll probably kill you, but that's twice the fun, and I could be-)  
  
L."That's enough, Sam."  
  
TBC..  
  
Well, that's it for now! Since I am wearing sunglasses right now (yesterday, my glasses fell apart) I have a bit of a headache so I'll stop writing. ^^ Have a nice day.  
  
  
  
TWO DOCTORS, ONE PATIENT - second part  
  
Poor Tsuzuki backed away from his 'doctor' in utter disgust as he suddenly felt the presence of another being. What was that? The feeling had gone again, but Tsuzuki had the slightest idea that this fanfic writer wouldn't be very nice to him, so he continued being alert.  
  
He would have succeeded in this plan, would it not have been that Muraki carried a package that seemed to contain..CAKE! Without fully thinking through his actions (who the heck actually thinks in these series??) he took a leap and landed on the package.  
  
"Well, Tsuzuki-san, it seems like you are a little hungry..shall I feed you? After all, my dear little Tsuzuki cannot eat by himself.."  
  
Muraki didn't even wait for his lover's approval (well, only 'lover' from his own perspective).  
  
**SMACK!**(how do you signalize chewing sounds in English? Samuran's from Holland and doesn't know that.and by the way, she is still wearing sunglasses...?_?;;)  
  
And so Tsuzuki's stomach was being confronted with an enourmous cake which contained more sugar than flour...this was a torture! He'd never eat cake again, especially when the stuff was being fed to him by a murderous idiot who took his inspiration from penguins! (You know, those reports by National Geographic about birds who first eat the fish themselves, then return to their nests and throw up the whole stuff so their kiddies can eat the chewed fishies - Yerghhh. O_o)  
  
And all the time, Tatsumi just sat there and smiled.  
  
If you are still reading, you might want to know where our dear Watari and Hisoka-kun are. Well, in fact they were again shopping at the mall, hoping to find some kind of liquid or at least soft food they could stuff into Tsuzuki. Curiously, Watari looked at the large amount of baby food storaged in a newly opened shop.  
  
"Bon, look at this!" Watari took out a bottle of food which seemed to contain squished sweets.  
  
"Did you know they sell this kind of stuff? Must be pretty unhealthful for young kids."  
  
"Well, as long as we make money, we actually don't care," an unknown voice said.  
  
To their right, a handsome looking man was standing, watching them as they threw another package of Make Your Darling Happy-Food into their catchall.  
  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Seishiro Sakurazuka."  
  
"That name sounds familiar to me somehow," Hisoka answered, without introducing himself. He was wearing a slip of paper saying "Wobble-Eye" already, so why spill energy?  
  
Watari didn't even look at the guy; he was too busy eating the baby food himself.  
  
"Muraki..Muri-sama, I think I've had enough..ugh."  
  
The just named man smiled pleasantly at a Tsuzuki whose belly had grown twice it's natural size. Tsuzuki-san's face had turned into a strange colour. Only some more cake, and he would get really sick, so Muraki could care for him, then bring him to the hospital, and finally-  
  
"Hey, Tsuzuki! We've brought you nice food!" two very irritating voices screamed.  
  
"Can't you two ever leave me alone with my Tsuzuki-san? You goddamned wannabe-magicians!"  
  
"Well, it appears that you've had enough time with him, you baka! What have you done to our Tsuzuki?" Watari looked very worried.  
  
"YOUR Tsuzuki??" the doctor hissed.  
  
"Yes, OUR Tsuzuki! Shall I write it on a big clear paper so that you will finally understand?!"  
  
"No, because this lovely, handsome, innocent..etc etc..-20 adjectives later- man is MINE!!"  
  
"He's OURS!" Hisoka and Watari screamed.  
  
"MINE, you foolish idiots!"  
  
"FORGET IT! He's OURS!!"  
  
"Oh no...," a dark, purring voice suddenly filled the air. "He's mine."  
  
As the three of them turned to see to whom this voice belonged, they saw a dark-haired man with sunglasses tearing apart a picture of Subaru Sumeragi.  
  
  
  
For some moments, silence filled the air and surrounded the (argh) Sakura blossoms. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of paper falling to the ground. Without staring at the photograph of his former boyfriend, Seishiro stepped forward and took an examining look at the object of all desire: Tsuzuki Asato, 26 years old, male, blue-eyed, black-haired and looking not too happy, since he had just eaten an XXL-sized cake with (yegh) extra liquids.  
  
"And who might you be?" Muraki asked the man dressed in a black trenchcoat.  
  
"Seishiro Sakurazuka, nice to meet you."  
  
You'll regret saying that, Mr Psycho thought.  
  
He already considered this weirdo to be a rival, but he had to admit that Seishiro (despite his terrible family name) was an extremely good-looking man. And since Muraki Kazutaka tried to get his claws on every handsome boy/guy/man he saw (Samuran awaits the day there'll be pairings between Muraki and Tatsumi, Watari and all those other bishies), why wouldn't he try to seduce this guy first, then kill him, and have a nice time with his Tsuzuki-san?  
  
"Oh my..what a cutie," Sei-san mumbled.  
  
"Cutie?? What kind of word is that for my big strong Tsuzuki-kun!" Hisoka yelled.  
  
The look he got from Muraki made him hide behind Watari, who was looking unnaturaly angry.  
  
"Officially, this Shinigami is Bon's partner, so why don't you two just fight over him, kill each other in the end and leave us alone?" he proposed with a psychotic smile.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Tatsumi added, slightly recovering from Muraki's hypnosis.  
  
"Well, it's an option. After all, a real lover fights for the honour of his beloved," Muraki said. "But may I ask how you actually found this place?"  
  
"Those two here," Seishiro pointed at "Bon" and Watari, "told me about the medical problems of their friend after I informed them about my function as a doctor. We met in the shopping mall, since I had to replace a friend of mine working in a foodstore-chain."  
  
Tsuzuki slightly reacted at hearing the word 'food', but immediately fell back into his semi-coma.  
  
"When they showed me a picture of their sick friend, I...I just had to stalk them so I could sneak into this place and take a look at this wonderful person!"  
  
By the time Seishiro had finished his sentence, three pairs of angry eyes were watching him.  
  
"Well, uh..what about a duel, collegue? Do you know anything about honour, or do you just ravish everyone you want to get into your bed?" Seishiro asked his opponent with a smirk.  
  
"You.!"  
  
"Yes, me, Seishiro Sakurazuka, medic, assassin and perfect lover all in one! And the third admirer, eternal lover and devoted defender of this lovely young guy here!"  
  
Third..?  
  
While the two doctors were arguing about the way their duel should take place, Tatsumi was brought into the office by Watari and Wobble-Eye, so that he could recover a little. Just as they were planning to do the same with the poor Tsuzuki-kun, a dark presence again filled the air and Tsuzuki awoke. Scared, Hisoka and the mad scientist took a few steps backwards. As they trespassed the entrance to the office, the door closed with a sudden slam.  
  
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" Watari screamed.  
  
"God, no..I have a wrong feeling about this.." his green-eyed collegue shivered.  
  
"Well duh, you have that most of the time." Watari was starting to get annoyed by all this.  
  
"What do you mean by that, you baka? Are you laughing about my powers?"  
  
"Yes, so that there is at least one person inside here who laughs. You're always looking sad, depressed or bad-tempered, anyways."  
  
It didn't take long before the two Shinigami were involved in a wild quarrel about all kinds of stupid things. They didn't know their feelings and anger were being enlarged by the evil force that was floating around (yeah, the thingie sensed by Wobbly-Eye). Darkness covered their minds and directed their actions, questioning their own sanity. . L: Weeehww...you even manage to get some drama and depth into this silly stuff. Samuran: Am I detecting a small amount of sarcasm somehow? -_-  
  
In fact, three persons should be outside at the small tables in the Mufei garden right now. But perhaps the reader already is feeling something's not right? If yes, you should get lost right now - you remind me too much of Hisoka. :-)  
  
"I'm still in favor of a fencing duel," Seishiro continued their argue, "It's good because it looks noble and reminds me of the good old times when knights fought for their maidens - correction, their beloved ones."  
  
And it's good because you probably don't even know how to hold a sword correctly, he tought.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you, my dear rival, but swords are just too ordinary. We both possess magick, in my opinion that's the right way to fight our duel," Muraki said.  
  
The quarrel continued, since both men belonged to the top 10 most stubborn guys in Tokyo. Meanwhile, Tsuzuki had really woken up and was looking around in a way that could be best described as totally puzzled. What were those psychos talking about? They sat at his table arguing about swords...? Hmmmm.This was too much for his damaged brains. He wanted to get some food (what else.) but suddenly, a very strange feeling caught his attention . A familiar, disgusting, but still somehow pleasuring feeling.  
  
Ohwww!  
  
Somewhere between his legs.  
  
"Look, our dear prince has woken up!" Seishiro said, smiling brightly. (Sakura blossoms: Hey! We're supposed to shine brightly, you ()&*&*^%%% baka!)  
  
"Didn't know that Sakura could be so impudent! Anyway, how are you feeling, Tsuzuki-san?"  
  
"..Well..strange, must go to sleep very soon."  
  
Muraki cast him a naughty look. "You've slept enough for today, Tsuzuki- san. It's time for some action."  
  
Trying not to think of Muraki's idea of 'action', the Shinigami suddenly felt that feeling again.  
  
"Would you..unghh..please stop doing that?" he asked his admirers . "Doing what?" Seishiro said innocently.  
  
"Well - argh!-..but wait.this.."  
  
It was then that he realised that both men had their hands on the table.  
  
"How are you..who is this!? Get your hands off me!!"  
  
"Oh my, he looks so sweet when he's angry!" the dark-haired man chirped. Muraki didn't look that chirpy ((??) at all: was somebody touching his Tsuzuki-san?  
  
Confused and irritated by that strange feeling, Tsuzuki was just about to stand up from the table when the answer to his question arose from beneath the table's surface.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?" both doctors screamed.  
  
And there he was, Admirer Numero Quatro: The Earl, alias the Count, alias Hakushaku. Tsuzuki fainted.  
  
TBC...  
  
L. May I ask when you watch National Gegraphic?? You don't even have access to the TV-Network! Samuran: Well, I saw it when I was with a friend of mine. Ain't penguins cuuuute? L: Yes, THEY are. But that..throw-up-into-Tsuzuki's-Mouth isn't, you pervert! Where do you get such ideas? Samuran: **knocks at her head** here! ^_^ 


End file.
